Drunk People

I am never sober in a group of drunk people.  I am either drunk in a group of drunk people, or not-drunk in a group of not-drunk people. Or drunk in a group of not-drunk people... Tonight was different.  Tonight was a new experience.  I mean, let's face it, there are only so many times I can iterate my drunken escapades before they become dull.  So, in this edition of my blog, we'll examine drunk specimens in their prime from an unaltered state of mind. 

I'm outside with my buddy "Das" smoking a cigarette because, I'll be honest, I wanted something to do at 2 in the morning and smoking seemed the only social avenue.  Pretty lame reason, but I'll get over it.  Apparently I wanted many things to do, as I smoked about 7 cigarettes over the course of however long it was we stood outside.  I'd say probably fourty minutes.  I don't normally smoke, but when I do, I smoke a lot.

Cigarette One: Das and I are outside and immediately engulfed in a sea of drunks.  We're new, so we're interesting.  We're greeted by people we know, "Psych" and "Greez", and people we don't, "NielsBohr" and a group of unimportant drunk chicks.  They would be important, but they were far from eye-candy, not to mention their conversation tool-box consisted exclusively of the Gossip-Hammer.  I would hope for at least one aspect or another in a human being.  They let me down. Our novelty wears off quickly and the unification we brought to the group rapidly disentigrates into several small factions.

Cigarette Two: I feel bad for bumming cigarettes off of Das, but then again, I got him and his friend drunk the other night. Also, he reassures me, saying he got a full carton for his birthday.  Justification enough for me. Nielsbohr is asking around for a cigarette. Psych throws up all over the place and pretends to do it incognito.  She fails, as everyone is now looking in her direction.  Only three of us are sober enough to care for more than three seconds.  Somegirl is making out with Somedude1.

Cigarette Three:  Realizing that the "circle" is an impenetrable fortress with no focus or cohesion, I give up my attempts to join the crowd and announce my retirement.  I sit next to "Theft," who aids me in my persuit to crack jokes on everyone who is acting ridiculous.  Thus, the main target, Somegirl.  She is now making out with Somedude2.  And eating his face. 

Cigarette Four: Greez doesn't want his clove, so he gives it to me. Technically, this time period, labled "Cigarette Four" should actually be "Clove One," but whatever.  It was my fourth smoke fuck you and your semantics. Nielsbohr has smoked both of the cigarettes he has gotten out of charity and is now asking people for more.

Cigarette Five:  Nielsbohr takes some drunk chick's pack of cigarettes and fumbles it into the river of puke laid forth by Psych.  He gathers up the cigarettes that have broken free of the pack, staggers upward, and offers me one.  I go, "Dude, you realize that's puke you just dropped those in, right?"  He looks down, and then back at the pack and shrugs. He is drunk and doesn't give a fuck.  I am not, and do. Luckily, he hands me the one resting on his ear.  I totally win the prize of a non-puke-laden cigarette. He then proceeds to smoke the entire pack.  I tell him he's going to get a disease and die, but he still doesn't give a fuck, because he's still drunk.  And off to the side, Somegirl is still biting the shit out of Somedude2's lips. Eating his face off.

Cigarette Six: Theft and I have turned our sobriety into a spectator's sport.  Somegirl has moved on to Greez(numero tres). A red-head shows up and isn't drunk. Theft, Das, this red-head, and myself form our own group.  We are not drunk, but definitely enjoying the show.

Cigarette Seven: Psych feels jealous, runs over, and shoves Somegirl out of the way, verbally declaring ownership of Greez, saying, "He's mine. I found him first."  They begin making out.  I wonder if she tastes like throw-up.  Defeated, Somegirl wobbles away and into the arms of the red-head. She's taken inside, but doesn't quite make it in before throwing up. Everyone is pretty much gone at this point, except the people that care enough for conversation, as opposed to passing out.